


the houses of our fathers

by thesorrowoflizards



Series: forged in fire [2]
Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Angst, Asmodeous's A+ Parenting, Backstory, Complicated Relationships, Experimental, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Magnus needs a hug, Magnus-centric, Mentions of past child abuse, Post-Episode: s03e10 Erchomai, Prince of Hell Magnus Bane, Speculation, after seeing a gifset of asmodeous and magnus hugging, also pre-series, and he gets one, and this leaves magnus fucked up and conflicted, asmodeous does love magnus in his own twisted way, confusing tenses, dysfunctional family relationships, edom, he's both a good parent and a bad parent/person at the same time, i was going for a sort of poetic format but its probably just bad, i wrote this in like an hour to get the feels out, kinda nonlinear, magnus lost his magic, malec is at the end, post mid season finale, powerful Magnus, probably not canon compliant, this is super weird and i don't know how i feel about it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-19
Updated: 2018-05-19
Packaged: 2019-05-09 02:42:31
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,177
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14707592
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thesorrowoflizards/pseuds/thesorrowoflizards
Summary: magnus was lost.





	the houses of our fathers

**Author's Note:**

> this is in all lowercase because ~aesthetic~ and because i wrote it in like an hour or two without paying attention so if you don't like it deal with it just don't comment with "uMMM its in all LOWERCASE you should FIX that" because i am Too Tired to not fight someone rn
> 
> and yes, i know this is experimental and probably super trashy looking. i was going for poetic but i probably overused the parentheses and hyphen thingys and my tenses are SHIT. oh well. this was just to get the feels out anyway so whatever

 

 

magnus was lost.

there were so many conflicting thoughts and feelings and memories in his head, so many things to wonder and worry about.

he was sitting alone on the couch, martini in hand, lost in thought, a few silent tears streaking down his cheeks without his notice.

his magic was gone.

an empty hole in his chest, a yawning void that threatened to swallow him from the inside out.

and who was responsible but asmodeous, his father?

someone he hated ~~(someone he loved)~~.

and asmodeous.

oh, boy, that was another subject.

asmodeous had taken his magic.

he’d wanted magnus to rule with him.

and stupidly, the thing magnus was hung up on wasn’t that—

(he was trying not to focus on the emptiness in his ribcage, the cold lack of warm tingling in his veins)

but it was on this instead:

asmodeous had hugged him.

it was stupid. it was _stupid_ to be so hung up over this.

but magnus hated how—even if only for a second, even if just for a moment before he remembered everything that he’d done—that he’d relaxed when his father hugged him.

he’d _relaxed._

he hated how after all of this time, having—having that man’s arms around him had felt _comforting._

that asmodeous still had any sort of power or emotional leverage over him.

his father, who after all this fucking time was here again.

why had magnus done this?

(last resort, taking desperate measures, coming back here after everything, coming “home”…)

magnus leaned back, lost in memories.

 

he still remembered a time when asmodeous hadn’t been a greater demon to him, hadn’t been a cruel and emotionally manipulative monster.

he remembered when he’d just been a stranger who looked like him, a stranger with his eyes, a stranger smiling warmly and saying _hello, little one._

magnus remembered when he’d been living on the streets, only a few years after his parents had died.

he’d been starving and scared and running because he couldn’t hide his cat eyes, couldn’t pretend he wasn’t a monster.

and he remembered when asmodeous had approached him, kind and rich and powerful and _like him._ he had cat eyes and yet he wasn’t hated and ostracized, he wasn’t starving and poor. and he’d wanted _magnus._

(he remembered when asmodeous had been his _dad._ )

it had seemed like an impossible dream, at the time, the kind of thing from a fairy tale. a tall, handsome man claiming to be his father rescuing him from the streets and whisking him away to a lavish mansion to help him and teach him and take care of him.

but not a lavish mansion—a strange castle in a strange world with a burning red sky.

and magnus was a _prince._

a prince of hell—which seemed fitting, given what he was—but a prince nonetheless, not a starving orphan.

and his father loved him.

asmodeous took care of him, fed him and clothed him, taught him about magic and himself and the world.

took him all over the world—the _worlds_ —and showed him things he could never have imagined. tutored him in all sorts of subjects, taught him how to use his magic to do anything he pleased.

and magnus was a good student, a good son.

he learned fast and eagerly, quickly taking in whatever knowledge he was given.

asmodeous had taken him in when he was cold and hungry and alone. asmodeous had given him a home for over twenty years as a young warlock. magnus had trusted him.

he had good memories of his time in edom—the hellhound he’d inadvertently adopted and named after his mother, the time he’d coerced his father into a game of hide-and-seek, the time he’d finally gotten a spell right after weeks of trying and been rewarded with a trip into the human world.

he always liked going out to the there, seeing the mundanes. it was different now, because he wasn’t a starving little monster child, a orphan no one would look at. now he could hide his eyes and he could _talk_ to people, he could buy little things and go where he wanted and no one would look into his eyes and scream.

with the help of his father, he’d pulled himself out of the dark.

so what if sometimes asmodeous slapped him when broke his rules?

so what if asmodeous had killed his dog to make a point?

so what if the spells he taught magnus got darker and darker until magnus didn’t want to do them anymore?

so what if he made magnus do them anyway?

asmodeous had helped him. he’d been a good father. right?

when magnus had had nightmares as a child, waking up screaming or crying or trembling and curled up in a little ball, his father had held him and sang soft lullabies in a language magnus didn’t know.

when magnus had gotten hurt during training or fooling around, asmodeous hadn’t mocked him or yelled at him as his stepfather might have done, but had healed with him with glowing red hands, had kissed his forehead and told him it would be alright.

when magnus had been terrified of himself and his power at first, asmodeous had taught him not to be afraid, had showed him how to control it.

and later, when he was a hurt and angsty teenager, asmodeous had guided him through it with a firm but gentle hand. let him make mistakes, let him learn and grow by himself when he needed to.

and then when he was a young adult, he’d allowed him independence ( _allowed,_ magnus scoffs now, how brainwashed had he been?), learning more about edom and its workings and how one went about running it and controlling the demons that lived there, taking more duties on by himself.

and he’d been almost like a friend, easy to banter with and confide in (even if even then magnus knew to tread lightly and never anger him, because he was still his father and he was still the king, so to speak).

and magnus had spent almost two decades with him, until he was a young adult. still practically a child to an older warlock, and certainly a child to a fallen angel such as asmodeous.

he’d grown, developed his own sense of style and his own specialties in magic, he’d made friends (no one he trusted completely, but enough) and he’d experienced the wonders of the world and people (luckily, sex was not something asmodeous felt the need to tell him all about, even if he did leave an embarrassingly detailed medical textbook on his bed along with a note that said _use protection_ which made magnus unable to look him in the eye for almost a week) and he was happy.

and that was about when he stopped being so naïve and trusting.

because that’s when he found out everything.

how he’d been born (he’d _raped_ his mother, he’d known the whole time what had happened to her and he’d hurt her and no _wonder_ she’d been terrified of him, no wonder she hated him)

how there had been others once (other children, how many times had he done this over the years?) that he’d done this to (he’d known where magnus was this whole time, he’d left him on the streets for almost three years to starve and struggle and for _what?)._

others that he’d groomed and trained, others that had eventually died (he found their graves, small and shoved away where no one would see them—had he ever cared about them? did he care about magnus?)….

and he’d dug, he’d looked for answers using his spells and research and sharp mind ( _you’ve always been too curious,_ asmodeous had purred) and he’d found out what had happened to them—

(little sari who had been far too young and had died of trying a spell to evil and too dark, eliot who’d escaped and reached the age of 362 before asmodeous had found him and _drained him,_ kali who had tried to banish him for good and seal him in edom and had been killed for her troubles, adelaide who had trusted him and been murdered by azazel on his watch, merlin, who had bargained away his powers for a foolish chance at mortality… all his siblings he’d never known—)

—and he’d been so foolish.

and the worst part was, magnus could tell that asmodeous had cared about them, too.

their graves were well-kept, the records of them fond but distant.

he wasn’t safe, either. eventually, one way or another, he would end up here.

but asmodeous had trained him too well. ( _you always were my strongest child, well done,_ asmodeous had said, sounding almost impressed and _infuriatingly c_ alm—)

magnus wasn’t going to be like the others.

he wasn’t going to die, he wasn’t going to give in, he wasn’t going to let one of their fates befall him.

once he knew what to look for, he explored the ever-shifting rooms of the castle until he finally managed to track down kali’s room.

he followed the trails, eventually tracing kali back to a lover she’d had in the seelie court, a woman named zelda. and with her help he found kali’s research.

and he completed it.

he was smart, powerful, and he had the element of surprise.  ~~(or so he’d thought.)~~ and even if he was alone (zelda wished to take no part in the man who’d killed her lover, even if she wished him luck) he was determined.

he found a way to seal asmodeous away, keep him chained in edom.

he couldn’t block summonings, but he could keep him there forever, so long as no one called him forth and gave him a way out.

but that would take immense power, and—well, it was a flawed plan, but it would have to do.

and it did.

it took everything he had, every ounce of power and determination—

(to ignore his fath- _asmodeous’s_ offers, to ignore the way he winced at how the circle binding him burned him, to pour every bit of his magical strength into keeping asmodeous down, like holding back a supernova—)

—but he did it.

asmodeous was sealed away, and so was edom. forever.

and if afterwards, magnus fell to his knees, exhausted, and began to cry… well, no one would know.

(he’d lost a father, even if asmodeous had never been a good one, not really.)

(he’d lost a home, even if it was one he’d never felt truly safe in.)

he’d recover.

(and he did.)

 

it didn’t take long for magnus to pull himself up again, like he always did.

he hid his heritage from everyone, and he set out into the world, truly alone for the first time since he was twelve.

but he wasn’t twelve anymore.

he was an adult, and he was strong and he knew how to put up a mask. how to be likeable, and charming, and flirtatious.

he didn’t want to be a prince (he didn’t want to admit that he’d been _good_ at what his father had taught him, that he was a natural leader and protector) and he didn’t want power.

he just wanted to help people.

he had magic, powerful magic. and there was suffering in the world.

magnus had no idea where he was going to start, but he was going to help people. he was going to be a healer, or a problem solver, or—or _something._

but first, perhaps he should make friends. he’d spent time in the mortal world, and he certainly knew about the downworld, but he’d been groomed to be a prince of edom, not out here. he didn’t know nearly enough about this world and how it worked. it was time to find out.

(he didn’t know it yet, but soon he would meet a man called ragnor fell. someone who would become his best friend, someone he would eventually tell these things to. someone he would come to trust more than anyone in the world.)

(…but not yet.)

for now, he was standing in the mundane world with no way back to his old home, and he had to decide what to do.

 

 

magnus snapped back to the present by the door opening.

“magnus?”

magnus looked up, hastily wiping away the tears wetting his cheeks and straightening up.

he lifted a hand to magic his makeup back on and look a little more presentable before his fingers stuttered midair. he faltered, letting his hand fall back down, suddenly feeling drained again.

right.

he had to stop doing that.

“hello, alexander,” magnus said softly.

“hey,” alec said, voice equally quiet.

he sat next to magnus, kissing his cheek in greeting. “you okay, magnus?”

magnus sighed. “i’m fine. just bored, darling. i’ve got nothing to do.”

alec gave him a look. “magnus, i.. i know you’re not okay. you… you know i’m here for you, right?”

“i know,” magnus said, leaning sideways against him so that he could rest his head on alec’s shoulders. “i know you are. i’m just… i’m dealing.”

alec wrapped an arm around him, kissing his forehead. “if you want to talk about it…”

he trailed off, leaving the sentence hanging.

“then you’re here for me. i know.”

there was a short, comfortable silence.

magnus was pleasantly surprised to find that his thoughts weren’t immediately wandering back to asmodeous, but instead focused mostly on how warm alec felt and how nice it was to relax against him.

(he could still feel the empty, blank abyss gnawing at his insides, the lack of magic like a cold burn inside him, but alec’s arm around him undoubtedly made him feel a little better. just a little.)

“we’re gonna get it back, you know,” alec said suddenly.

“…what?”

“your magic,” alec said. “i don’t know how, or when, but… i’m not letting you die. i’m not letting you lose a huge part of yourself. not forever. not for me.”

“i made my choice,” magnus said softly. “the price to get it back is too much.”

“then we’ll find another way,” alec said simply. “i know… i know you want it back. and as long as you do, as long as it hurts you, i will always try to find another way.”

“alec…”

“after all you’ve given up for us, for me, after everything you’ve done to help us…” alec clutched him a little tighter. “i’m not letting this happen to you. we’ll find a way, okay?”

“alec… it’s gone,” magnus said softly. “it’s not just out there somewhere, waiting to be recaptured.”

“what, he… destroyed it?” alec asked, eyebrows scrunching together.

“no, probably not,” magnus admitted. “but he has it. and if he did keep it instead of using it to power edom like he did with the others, then it will be almost impossible to get to, let alone steal. and that’s _if_ it still exists. and even if we somehow managed to pull off that impossible heist without dying, we’d have to get my magic back… _in_ me somehow, _and_ we’d have to find a way to protect ourselves if asmodeous decided i needed to be punished for breaking my deal. he might even come after you and jace. alec... it can’t be done.”

alec sighed. “i just want you to be okay,” he said. “i hate that this happened to you because of me. i hate that you’ve lost so much because of us. i want to help you.”

“i’m here,” magnus whispered. “i’m okay.”

alec shifted, turning so that he could completely pull magnus into his arms, rubbing his back gently. “you’re not okay,” he said into magnus’s shoulder. “i love you, magnus, and you’re not okay. i want to help.”

“i can’t… i don’t need you to make plans to steal from my father right now,” magnus said. “i—i don’t know if i’m going to get my magic back or not. i don’t know. but if i do, it’ll be because asmodeous decided to give it back. not because of you.”

alec flinched slightly. but magnus kept going, slowly hugging him back and curling his body towards alec.

“i’m sorry if that sounds harsh, alexander—i love you. it’s not your fault. it’s just, there’s—there’s nothing you can do about this. and i know, i know you want to, i know you’re trying, but—” his voice broke, the tears he’d been suppressing finally beginning to surface. “—i don’t need that from you right now. i’m sorry, i just—i just need you to hold me. please.”

“you don’t need to apologize,” alec said softly. he adjusted his grip and squeezed him tighter. “i—i can do that.”

magnus shifted, fully climbing into alec’s lap, curling up in his arms.

everything hurt so much.

his father, the memories, his magic, alec’s pain, how he’d almost lost alec and had been powerless to stop it, everything else that was piling up this past year, it all hurt so much and magnus couldn’t—he had to be strong, couldn’t show weakness.

but right now he was in alec’s arms and he was hurting and vulnerable and—he trusted alec.

he wanted to let go so badly. he wanted to just cry, let it all out, just weep until he passed out.

alec’s hand gently rubbed soothing circles on his back.

magnus let go.

alec kissed the side of his head, just holding him, comforting him.

he’d rarely seen magnus cry, much less like this—proper, ugly crying, the silent tears evolving to breathless cries and soft whimpers and then to heaving, gut-wrenching sobs as he clung to alec, hiding his face but openly letting himself fall apart in alec’s arms.

 

he cried until his throat hurt and his face was flushed and wet, until he was sobbing silently and shaking like a leaf, still curled up in alec’s arms.

he’d needed this.

god knows when the last time he’d cried was.

eventually it died down completely, until he was just lying exhausted in alec’s arms.

he felt less overwhelmed, somehow. he felt better.

it wasn’t better, not really—his magic was still gone, and there were still a thousand other problems to deal with.

but for now, he was in alec’s arms and it was late and he felt a little better.

it would have to be enough.

memories flickered across his mind’s eye.

 _(i’ll see you again, my son,_ asmodeous had said before he’d left. _soon._ )

(the burning pain of him reaching into his chest and pulling out the magic, pulling out his life force)

(falling to the ground, feeling cold and empty for the first time, gasping)

(alec dying, eyes fluttering, magnus’s hands useless)

(sitting by his bed in the infirmary, helpless)

(finally getting back to his loft and realizing he didn’t have a key)

_(i’ll see you again)_

he was with alec.

safe.

(for now.)

( _i’ll see you again, my son. soon)_

everything was going to be okay.

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> part of me is like "i hate this" because like. it's so all over the place, and also i kind of liked the whole element of magnus's story wherein he pulled himself out of those dark times and this sort of makes it sound like asmodeous handed it all to him which is not what i'm going for at all.... but im also like... not a good writer... so.... lmao  
> also not to mention the whole thing with malec at the end... i was trying to show like, alec is determined to help him at any cost to himself but i almost feel like it looks like he just wants magnus's magic or something? which is Not The Case like, AT ALL. it's just, he knows how important it is to magnus, how it's literally a part of him. and while he still loves magnus, magic or not, he wants magnus to be happy and he hates that magnus had lost so much because of shadowhunters.
> 
> mostly i just wanted to portray this really complicated relationship between them where like. they do love each other. asmodeous loves his son and, in his own twisted way, wants him to be okay. it's just, "okay" to him is like, "strong, powerful, and not relying on anyone (especially someone he supposedly loves)... and being the heir to edom (i.e., following what asmodeous wants for him, because he also lowkey loves him as a tool)" not "emotionally fulfilled, happy, helping people, doing what he wants, safe"  
> while magnus loves his father because he taught him, raised him, helped him when no one else would, and was the first to tell him that he wasn't worthless or terrifying or whatever, but also he knows very well that asmodeous is a greater demon, and that even back when magnus was young, asmodeous had been taking advantage of a vulnerable child by taking him in the way he did.  
> also i kinda tried to touch on the fact that like, asmodeous... didn't tell magnus he wasn't a monster. he just taught him how to be a better one. only magnus, being the kind of person he is, didn't (intentionally) use this to become powerful, and he certainly didn't use it to hurt people or take whatever he wants, he used it to talk to people and help people. 
> 
> also i was kind of thinking if asmodeous wants magnus to rule edom with him AND he helped raise magnus then he probably lowkey raised magnus as a prince. or at least magnus must know how edom works, right? it would take way too long to magically train him to rule unless it was ridiculously simplistic (in which case i can think of little reason asmodeous would want him to, unless he was pulling an ember & umber and just wanted entertainment... which i doubt)  
> also i have no idea how that would work like... is edom actually a kingdom with sentient people? or is it a barren wasteland full of demons? or some combination of both? or is it like the city of tora in the deltora books where like the main city/castle is all safe and pristine (asmodeous's castle, in this case) and a bunch of other people are left utterly fucked out in the surrounding barrens? and if so, i find it really hard to believe magnus wouldn't want to at least try and help them somehow. or at the very least express regret that he couldn't help them. hence why i went with the "it's just full of mostly non-sentient demons" in this one, but like. even then. does that really make it a kingdom? then it's just a castle in a barren pocket realm full of monsters. what's there to do? there's no laws to make or taxes to enforce, there's no decrees to sign or armies to fight or anything... i mean i guess that he could just always be lowkey at war with his brothers (like azazel) using his mindless demon army, or he could have some goal he's trying to reach like... finding lucifer or killing michael or something, i don't know.  
> honestly i have so many questions about edom
> 
> also did you catch "merlin" because that was 100% a gratuitous cameo
> 
> ALSO i really really need a better summary but i just. couldn't think of one. sigh
> 
> ANYWAYS honestly, i don't know how i feel about this fic. i might end up deleting it because im hella conflicted about it lmao


End file.
